Ever since a new hockey team arrived in my town and decided to call themselves the "Wild," the Blog has dedicated itself to exposing ridiculously unoriginal, unappealing, and uninspiring sports nicknames, logos, and uniforms. Now the Blog has searched the archives of sports history and is finally able to present to you the authoritative list of the worst 10 sports nicknames ever:
#10: The Minnesota Wild
It took me two years to figure out that this logo was supposed to be two images in one. I still can't figure out what the nickname represents. Here are a few options from Webster:
- not lived in or cultivated; waste
- lacking social or moral restraint; dissolute
- fantastically impractical; reckless
- missing the target /a wild shot
- card games having any desired value: said of the card
- a wilderness or wasteland
- enthusiastic
Your guess is as good as mine.
#9: The Chicago Orphans
(No logo available)
That's what the Chicago Cubs were called from 1898 until 1901. There must have been a reason behind this, but not knowing what it is simply makes me wonder what the mascot must have been. A child in rags walking around asking if anyone has seen his parents?
#8: The Miami Floridians
An ABA basketball team from 1968-1972. What's with the one multicolored letter in the midst of the black letters? Once again, I am filled with questions that need answers. It's a good thing this trend didn't catch on, or else we'd have leagues full of teams like the Spokane Washingtonians, the Jackson Mississippians, the Albequerque Newmexicans, the Des Moines Iowegians, the Houston Texans....Oh, wait...
#7: The Houston / Dallas Texans
Long before this horribly unoriginal nickname was used by the NFL expansion team in Houston in 2002, it was used by the Dallas Texans (above) from 1960-62 (who have since become the Kansas City Chiefs), and the Houston Texans of the WFL (below) in 1974.
And then it was resurrected again in 1996 in the Arena Football League:
But wait...there's more...
#6: The Honolulu Hawaiians
I kid you not. They were another WFL team from 1974. No wonder that league only lasted one year.
#5: The New York-New Jersey Hitmen
I could throw the entire collection of XFL teams into this list, but I only have room for ten so I'm picking one to represent all (sorry, L.A. Xtreme and Memphis Maniax). Haven't you ever thought to yourself: "hey, I could really get behind a team that celebrates my city's history of murder and organized crime."?
#4: (TIE) The Toronto Northmen and the Memphis Southmen
Two more winners from the WFL. And they're both bears for some reason. Inexplicable.
#3: The Miami Vise
And here I thought that it couldn't get any worse in Miami than Floridians. Apparently they've used up all the names of fish and other animals so there's nothing left to do but name their teams after a TV series. This team didn't even last as long as the TV series; they were only around for one year (1987) in the Arena Football League. Don't ask me what that logo is supposed to be.
#2: The Boston Beaneaters
The Atlanta Braves went through five nicknames (Beaneaters, Doves, Rustlers, Bees, Braves) and three cities (Boston, Milwaukee, Atlanta) before arriving where they are today. Let this be a lesson to teams like the Wild that it's okay to change something if you don't get it right the first time.
#1: The Green Bay Packers
No explanation needed.
You can't just pick on the pack because they have such a dumb name. It does make you wonder what a "packer" really is. It probably has something to do with cheese. I'm surprised the Minnesota Swarm didn't make it on. Soon we'll be seeing a team called the Salem Witchburners.
Posted by: Jay Jorgenson | April 28, 2008 at 11:32 AM
All this makes me want to go read about the rich and historic heritage of vikings in Minnesota.
Posted by: Luke Middleton | May 01, 2008 at 01:14 PM
I hate all of those name like the "Wild". I hate the "Heat", I hate the "Magic", I hate all of those.
The Wild get the double whammy, though, with the worst uniforms in sports. Santa Claus red, Christmas Tree green, and Camoflauge Tan. Yum!
Posted by: CrummyJoel | May 01, 2008 at 01:58 PM
As I understand it, the Green Bay Packers name is referring to meat packers, not cheese. Wisconsin has another rather unique name for the high school sports team in Rhinelander. They are called the "Hodags" and you can read more about them here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hodag
Posted by: Jack Bauer | May 02, 2008 at 05:13 PM
There is a AAA or AA Baseball team in Michigan called the Lansing Lugnuts.
Gotta luv ballclubs
Posted by: Tim | May 14, 2008 at 01:25 AM
I think that the Philadelphia 76ers deserve to be on this list as well. what is a 76er anyways? You could also throw the Minnesota Gophers on here to. Nothing strikes more fear in anyone than a burrowing rodent that could potentially ruin your sod...I'm shaking in my boots.
Posted by: Jay Jorgenson | September 15, 2008 at 10:36 AM
I know this is 2 1/2 years old, but I figure the author may have an interest, however so slight, in where one of the nicknames came from.
The nickname "Orphans" was due to Cap "Pop" Anson, the long time player/manager in Chicago, departing after 1897. The sportswriters of the day began calling them the Orphans since they had lost their "pop."
Posted by: Scooter | March 15, 2011 at 09:19 PM