...from Bill Matthews
"When you get saved, your pocketbook should get saved too."
"Everybody say, 'Money comes to me...NOW!'"
"All scripture is given by God and is profitable....it's profitable....it's profitable..."
"I was out in the Holy Ghost one night and the Lord started talking to me about finances."
"And then God said to me, 'I want you to teach about increase before every offering.'"
"They had 120 people who were backslidden and they said, 'What should we do?' and I said, 'That's easy. Get 'em all saved and get 'em filled with the Holy Ghost.' and they said, 'You're hired.'"
"...it's profitable...it's profitable...it's profitable..."
"I tell you what, I had to change what I believed or I'd be broke."
"Hebrews is very clear that God is a rewarder of those who seek him. He's a rewarder! What are you gonna do with that if you don't believe in prosperity?"
"If you believe you're always gonna be short, then you will be. And I'm not talking about your height. Well, it may work with height too, I don't know."
"I. Am. Successful. I believe that. It doesn't have anything to do with what's happening in my life. I just believe that."
(After a little girl walks up and hands him a dollar bill during his sermon) "Hallelluiah! Money comes!"
"A lot of times when we travel I like to rent an expensive luxury car because I want to see myself in that car. I want to walk out to the parking lot and say, 'That's my car.' Sometimes I'll go up to a real nice, expensive house -- make sure nobody's home -- and walk up to the door and walk back to my car and pretend I'm coming out of my house."
"A lot of times the checkbook will talk to you and you'll start believing what the checkbook's saying to you. And it talks loud, especially when it's been talking to you for a number of years."
"Go over to Ephesians. I can't find it. Never mind. Everybody just stand up and start yielding to the Holy Ghost. Ra-da-ba-sa-de-adskjhfasjdhfakjl."
"Oh, we need to take the offering, don't we? Everybody say, 'Big offering.' You know, if you're watching us by internet you can give an offering too. Amen, I receive it. Okay, you gotta do the best you can, and stretch yourself a little bit tonight. Money. Come. To me. Now. In Jesus' name."
(All quotes taken from last night's sermon.)
You can't make this stuff up.