Laundry Bowl II

In case you were wondering, I'm still not happy about these new Vikings uniforms.  I'll take this as a sign that things are going well for me right now that I have nothing else to complain about but this.  They don't even look like my team anymore and I'm still trying to figure out how I'm supposed to cheer for a team that looks like they just stepped out of the XFL this year. 

But I will, of course, because they're still my team.  It's kind of like when your kid gets to that age where he wants to start dressing like Busta Rhymes.  You still love your kid, which is why you don't want him to make a fool of himself.  He thinks he is being original when in fact he is just following the crowd because he has no spine.  He is too shortsighted to see that this style of dress is just a fad, but you know (because you remember baseball going through the same thing in the mid-'80s with teams like the Astros and White Sox) that sooner or later he will see the error of his ways.  You just hope that it is sooner than later.

So now that the Vikings can no longer lay claim to the best looking uniforms in the NFL, the search must begin for a new title-holder until the Vikings regain their sanity.  I'll start the contest by ranking the teams in each division and then go from there.  And in case you're wondering, no, I don't have anything better to do right now.

AFC EAST

1. Patriots -- One of the few teams that made a change for the better coming out of the '80s.  Everything about them looks sharp, from the silver helmet, to the sweet logo, to the non-flashy jersey and pants.
2. Dolphins -- As far as I know, this is the only team that can actually pull off looking halfway decent in teal.  The 3D numbers don't help though.
3. Jets -- Solid green and white, but ugly helmet logo.  I preferred the '80s look.
4. Bills -- Used to be number 1 until the recent change with the ridiculous colored shoulder pads on the road and the ridiculous blue on blue jersey/pants combination.

AFC NORTH

1. Steelers -- They won five Super Bowls in these uniforms and I don't see how they could ever change.
2. Ravens -- There's only one team that looks good in purple (used to be anyway) and you ain't it. 
3. Bengals -- Used to be number 1 in the North until they went all XFL last year.
4. Browns -- I'm all for preserving tradition and everything, but, come on.  Get a logo, even a bad one.

AFC SOUTH

1. Colts -- No fancy schmancy, just solid blue and white, block numbers, sweet looking horseshoe...please don't ever change.
2. Texans -- If the New England Patriots and the Texas Longhorns had a kid, this is what it would look like.  But it works.  Thank you for being the first expansion team in 25 years not to use teal.
3. Titans -- Jersey numbers that look like alarm clock digits.
4. Jaguars -- Too much teal and too much logo.

AFC WEST

1. Raiders -- You can't go wrong with the silver and black.
2. Chiefs -- Nice and simple, very nice logo, unchanged for 40 years.  The best use of Red by any sports team.
3. Broncos -- Bad move getting rid of the blaze orange and going with the XFL look, but slightly less bad since it resulted in two Super Bowl wins.
4. Chargers -- Wake up and go back to the powder blue.

NFC EAST

1. Redskins -- Same thing as the Chiefs, yet different. 
2. Giants -- Good move to go back to the old-school uniforms, unlike the Jets.
3. Eagles -- They just look fast, but the old green looked better.
4. Cowboys -- Wear your home jerseys at home, idiots.

NFC NORTH

hmmmm.....

1. Lions -- I've always loved the silver and blue, but it would look better if they could win more than one playoff game during my lifetime.
2. Bears -- Unchanged since black and white TV, simple yet bold.  Too bad they're still the Bears.
3. Vikings -- sigh.
4. Packers -- Spinach and lemon?  And they look like a banana split on the road.  Okay, so I'm a little biased.

NFC SOUTH

1. Panthers -- I don't particularily like 'em, but they're in the worst looking division so somebody has to be on top.
2. Buccaneers -- Never should have lost the blaze orange.
3. Saints -- Nice logo, but bad color scheme.
4. Falcons -- I think this one was rejected by the XFL.

NFC WEST

1. 49ers -- They get to be on top because they still look similar to what they looked like in the '80s.  But the 3D numbers gotta go.
2. Cardinals -- These were probably among the top three in the NFL until they went all XFL. 
3. Rams -- Look like the old uniforms (also among the top three) after working in the mines all day.
4. Seahawks -- Just ugly in every possible way.  All four of these teams need to go back to what they were wearing in the '80s.

Top 5 in the AFC

1. Colts
2. Raiders
3. Steelers
4. Patriots
5. Chiefs

Top 5 in the NFC

1. Redskins
2. 49ers
3. Lions
4. Panthers
5. Giants

The Laundry Bowl:

Colts over the Redskins, 57-47.

And now for some theme music:

Comments

[Spinney]

Your theme music made reading that whole post worthwhile. I'm still laughing.

[Benjamin A. Oetken]

Two reasons for posting: First, I want to support your theory that more people will comment on your football post then on your resolutions. Second, I must disagree with the outcome. I could be biased but I feel the Steelers would beat the color right out of the Colts and would take out any team in the weak NFC.

[redgoatee]

got a problem with the Bears pal?

[darren]

Okay, so I am commenting on this and not your resolutions, but I did really like them and I've found myself remembering some of them when I have sinned in certain areas. I also notice you really like old school uniforms. Maybe it's just because I didn't grow up watching these teams in those uniforms but I'm not partial to them.

[Jack Bauer]

I just wish that we still had an NFL team here in LA.

[Micah]

You guys must have too much time on your hands if you read this whole post.

[Frank Martens]

I skimmed it. :)

Clearly I still have too much time on my hands.

[darren]

We may have read it, but you wrote it :) And amen to having a pro team in LA.

[Spinney]

That's why the theme music was so funny. At first, I laughed because clearly you have too much time on your hands.... and then I realized that I actually read the whole thing.

And then showed it to some people in my office. *Sigh* The irony of it all...